


The Woman From Eden

by Kirbily



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Advice, Canon Compliant, Historical Inaccuracy, History, M/M, Mentions of Sex, No beta we fall like Crowley, Oblivious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Pining, Snake Crowley (Good Omens), Soft Crowley (Good Omens), They become friends, a wild aziraphale appears, adam is in the background and kind of a dick, aziraphale is easily persuaded by food, aziraphale is mentioned - Freeform, crowley has a big crush on aziraphale, crowley meets lilith in eden, demonic adventures in history, it's strictly platonic, like straight up pushes him to go after aziraphale, lilith becomes like a sister figure to crowley, lilith gives him relationship advice, there is no romance between crowley and lilith, they keep meeting up throughout history
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-01-30 12:49:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21428479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirbily/pseuds/Kirbily
Summary: “Go up to paradise and cause some trouble.” Those were Crawly’s orders when he was sent to Eden. Cause some trouble. Simple enough. But when he first saw her, sitting in the shade of a tree and weeping softly, Crawly was taken aback. It looked like there was already trouble in paradise.Aziraphale may, over thousands of years, become Crowley's best friend and love of his life, but he is not the only creature Crowley befriended in Eden, nor the only immortal to continuously pop up in Crowley's life throughout history. However, if not for this demoness and her continuous meddling, Crowley may not have come to understand his feelings for the angel at all.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale & Lilith (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley & Lilith (Good Omens)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 82





	1. The Crying Woman

**Author's Note:**

> This is just going to be a fun, short fic about Crowley's life throughout history with a certain non-Aziraphale immortal passing through time to time.

_“Go up to paradise and cause some trouble.”_

Those were Crawly’s orders when he was sent to Eden. Cause some trouble. Simple enough, he had always been a rather troublesome demon, and angel before that. Not a problem, he’d get it done quick and be home for tea. But when he first saw her, sitting in the shade of a tree and weeping softly, Crawly was taken aback. It looked like there was already trouble in paradise. 

Cautiously he slithered closer to her, studying her with a yellow snake eye. He hadn’t seen one of Her humans just yet and hadn’t known what to expect, but this soft, dark skinned creature with black curly hair on only her head and nether regions was not it. And the sad sounds she was making, with her clawless hands over her face while water dribbled down from her eyes, made her look so pathetic, not at all the glorious creature that was God’s greatest triumph. 

Crawly’s heart hurt just looking at her.

He made his way through the grass closer to her until he was near her knee and, not sure what else to do, cleared his throat.

The woman jumped and let out a cry of surprise, but when her deep brown eyes found Crawly, she smiled. 

“Oh!” She said, her voice still tight from crying, “I thought I had snuck away from everyone. You scared me, chicken.” She quickly wiped away the wetness from her face.

“Chicken?” Crawly asked, confusion not exactly evident on his scaly face.

“Aren’t you the chicken?”

“Wha-no, I’m a sssssnake.” He gave his body a little wiggle. “Clearly.”

“Oh, a snake!” She gave a laugh, throwing her curly head back, mouth wide to the sky. It wasn’t as delicate as the rest of her, it was robust and warm. Crawly liked it. Much better than that dreadful sound she had been making before.

“Forgive me,” she continued with a smile, which Crawly also liked, “Adam was naming everything earlier, guess I’m still learning what’s what.”

Crawly gave his reptilian head a bob, but continued to examine her face. Though she appeared happy now, her cheeks were still a little damp.

“If you don’t mind me asssking,” he began, “but are you alright?”

The change in her demeanor was almost instantaneous. Her back became straighter, her hands fell to her lap in little balls, her eyes quickly darted around, and though she kept smiling Crawly felt the warmth in it had vanished. 

“Of course,” was the quick reply, though her voice had gone tense again, “why wouldn’t it be?” Her smile got bigger, faker. 

Now this was a creature Crawly had just met, from a species he knew nothing about. It was clear she was more intelligent than most of Her other animals, but not nearly the strongest. Still, Crawly knew from experience in Hell that intelligence could trump strength easy. And here in the Garden, the humans were supposed to be at the top were they not? They didn't need to be strong to survive, everything they ever could want or need was here. And yet, seeing the fear and sadness that linger in her eyes made him understand that things were not so "perfect." 

He slithered closer still, using his body to climb up her leg until his upper half was in her lap. To his surprise she didn’t push him off or whimper in fear, instead she watched him with interest. 

“You don’t have to pretend with me,” Crawly told her, “tell me the truth. What’sss wrong?”

For a moment he thought she would deny it all again, maybe stand up and walk away. Her expression remained frozen in a false smile, but after looking him squarely in his slit pupils her face softened and the smile faded, replaced by a tight line.

“All Adam and I do is fight,” she finally said, her voice falling to a whisper. “I was made for him, I know, but he never listens to me. And he expects me to do everything he says. I don’t want to live like that, I want him and I to work together, to be-“

“-equals?” Crawly supplied for her.

“Exactly!” She sighed, and absently placed a hand on Crawly’s head. He was about to object when she began petting his scales and _damn_ did that feel good.

“We’re made of the same stuff, you know,” she continued. “God shaped us both. So why does _Adam_ get to name everything? Why do we all have to do what _Adam_ says?”

Crawly noted the bitterness in her voice, but also the lost look that came across her face.

“Sssounds like you don’t even like him,” he said.

“Don’t even- what?” 

“Like him. _Do_ you like him?”

“What do you mean?”

Crawly shook her hand off his head and raised himself up in her lap so he could look her in the eye, face to face. “Do you _like_ him? Do you like ssspending time around him? Talking to him? Doesss it make you happy? Do you want to do more of those thingsss with him?”

Though she continued to meet Crawly’s gaze he could tell she was searching inside herself for the answer.

Finally, her confusion gave way to clarity. “You know what? I don’t think I do. I don’t even like him!” She laughed again, and Crawly felt proud of making that laugh, but quickly it turned into a choke, sad noise.

“I don’t even like him, and I’m stuck with him.”

“What, no you’re not!” Crawly quickly told her as she covered her face again and made those horrible noises again.

“I am, I am!” Water fell from her eyes again.

_Good going Crawly, real good pep talk,_ he scolded himself. 

“You’re not, you’re not,” he assured her, using his snout to push her fingers away from her eyes. Ugh, having his own hands would be so much better right now, but he couldn’t risk getting caught inside the Garden by any angels.

“You can alwaysss leave,” he added when she tried to push his face away.

This got her attention, and she peaked out from behind her hands. “Leave?”

“Yeah, leave Eden.”

“You can’t leave Eden. There’s nowhere else to go.”

“Sssure there is, you could come with me.”

“With you?”

“Yeah.”

“The chicken?”

“_The sssnake_,” he corrected, then shook his head, “Not a sssnake, I mean. Demon. ‘M actually a demon.”

“_A demo_-?!” she began to shout, then slapped her own hands over her mouth before Crawly could do it for her. She glanced around again before whispering, “A _demon?!_”

“Yeah, yeah,” Crawly replied, also taking a look around to make sure nobody heard her, “jussst don’t go screaming it to the neighbourhood.”

To Crawly’s surprise she seemed even more interested in him being a demon than him being a snake. She leaned closer to look at him, so close he had to lean away.

“I’ve never met a demon,” she whispered, eyes wide but not with fear. “I thought you’re all supposed to be bad.”

Crawly frowned, or as much as a frown that a snake is capable of. “I _am_ bad.”

“Well, you’re being nicer to me than most of angels. When I’ve tried to talk to them about Adam they usually tell me to just do as he says. It’s my duty as his wife, they say.”

“Well ssscrew them,” Crawly told her. “And ssscrew Adam. You could come with me.”

She eyed him, appraising his offer. “And where would you take me?”

“Hell, I guesssss.” He actually hadn’t thought this all the way through. He really shouldn’t have opened his big snake mouth. Home office was going to be pissed.

“Hell?” Her voice echoed his own uncertainty. “Where demons live?”

“Yeah, sssure.” Crawly couldn’t stop digging himself deeper into this pit. It didn’t help that something that looked a bit like hope had started to twinkle in this poor woman’s eye.

“I’m not sure I’d be welcomed there.”

“Ffph,” he said while trying to give a snake shrug, “Hell’sss not just for demons. It’s a place for thossse who rebelled. And you leaving Eden, flipping the bird to Adam and Her’s plan for you, well that’sss a proper rebellion.”

She continued to give him a scrutinous look, but slowly her head started to nod. “It would, wouldn’t it?”

“Of courssse.” Yeah, it would be, wouldn't it? God's own creation walking out on Her, joining the other side. If Crawly could spin this properly back at HQ, maybe it would work. Maybe it could turn out to be good for both him and this poor creature.

“And I’d be able to do whatever I wanted once I’m out of the Garden?”

“Ugggh, yeah, I ssshould think ssso.” He wasn’t completely certain about that, but his worried tone didn’t seem to matter for she wasn’t looking at him anymore, instead gazing out towards Eden’s walls and the promise of freedom.

“Yes. Yes, I’m in. I will leave with you.”

_Oh._ Well, this was certainly his mission completed. The two spoke a little while longer while the sun was setting, laying out a plan for Crawly to return to Hell and prepare for her, then retrieve her when everything was set. 

The sun had finally dipped below the horizon, the sky painted with a beautiful twilight, when a voice began to call from somewhere else in the Garden.

“That’ll be Adam,” she said, her lip curling in disgust, “probably expecting a meal from me. Not like he can’t throw a pig on a fire himself.”

“Whole?” Crawly asked, a little taken aback.

She nodded. “Whole.”

“Well, you only have to put up with him for a little longer.”

“Yes. Then I’ll be free.” She reached out and patted Crawly’s head again, and he leaned into her warm hand against his better judgement.

“Thank you, _not-a-chicken-not-a-snake-demon_,” she said to him, eyes glistening with wet again but this time Crawly didn’t think it was out of sadness.

“Crawly,” he croaked.

“Bless you.”

“No, Crawly. It’s my name.”

“Oh,” she laughed a warm laugh again, then petted his scaly neck. “It’s been wonderful meeting you, Crawly.

“My name’s Lilith.”


	2. The Mystery Boat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crawly runs into Lilith in Mesopotamia, and she can be a thorn in his side.

The sun was hot and Crawly leaned against a tree to enjoy its shade while looking out at stubbly fields that surrounded the town. Around him children ran and played, their mothers shouted at them from the doorsteps they swept or the laundry they hung, but their fathers were appeared to be absent. Most of the men had gone off to see the big commotion happening in the distance, the one that Crawly watched from his spot under the tree.

He rubbed his palms on his robe and continuously tried to smooth down his long hair, unable to shake the nervousness he felt in his gut. Why should he feel like this? It was absurd, is what it was. Getting all jittery and sweaty. Absolutely unnecessary! But he was so lost in thought that he didn’t hear someone approach.

“Is that you, Chicken?”

A hand on his shoulder made him jump, and without thinking he swatted it away as he spun to face his “attacker,” letting out an undignified _“Agh!”_ in the process. 

It was a woman, or a least a being that was woman shaped. She looked startled by his reaction for only a second before her beautiful face broke into an annoyingly large smile. She laughed right at him.

“_Lilith!_” Crawly spat out, still a little shook. “What the bloody Hell are you doing here?”

“Not looking for a fight, for starters,” she said with an unladylike snort. 

Lilith was the last person Crawly expected to be here, not just on the surface but in this very town. She was dressed to blend in with the locals, much like himself, in a tan rob that was cinched tight at the waste to draw attention to her hips and a collar that was lower than most to show a tantalizing amount of dark brown throat. Her black curls were covered with a matching scarf. 

Not that Crawly wasn’t happy to see her (it had been a couple hundred years) but he couldn’t help himself staring at her with his mouth agape, lost for anything to say. Why here? Why today? 

“Did I scare you senseless?” Lilith asked, a teasing tone to her voice. “I’m used to making men lose their ability to speak, but not like this.” She reached out towards him, as Crawly hadn’t realized he had raised his hands into fists in some weak sort of defense until she gently pushed them down with her own clawed ones.

“Wha- ugh, no, ‘m fine” he told her lamely, eyeing her sharp talons.

Ah yes, those clawed hands. Crawly was still getting used to them even though it had been hundreds of years. When he had brought Lilith back with him to Hell, Satan himself had greeted them. He had been impressed with Lilith casting off her literal God given destiny and even more so after speaking to the woman herself. But humans could not live in Hell, it was for demons and the souls of the deceased damned, so if Lilith wanted to stay she would have to become a demonic entity as well.

Of course had she accepted gleefully, excited at all the possibility this new power could grant her. Satan transformed her, and like all demons her appearance changed to something less human. For Lilith, her marks were her hands, which weren’t exactly hands anymore but the more knobby talons of a bird of prey. 

“I am so sorry,” Crawly had told her afterwards, once they were alone, “I didn’t- They didn’t-“

“It’s fine,” Lilith had replied, smiling a smile that didn’t completely reach her eyes. “Besides, I also have wings now, I can fly. Seems like a fair trade.” She gave him a confident wink, he gave her a small smile, and they both felt a little better.

Now Crawly tried not to flinch away from her touch, because the roughness of her talons felt weird and not at all because seeing them made his stomach do a little dance of guilt, not in the least.

Either Lilith didn’t notice the flicker of emotion on his face or she chose to ignore it, and instead looked out into the distance where Crawly had been staring before she showed up. “What were you looking so intently at, Chicken?”

“I wasn’t looking intently at anything,” Crawly grumbled and crossed his arms, “and you know how I feel about being called that.”

“There sure is a lot of people out there,” she said, pointedly ignoring his other comment.

“The locals are all heading out there. Not sure what for.”

“Let me check.” Without even looking around to make sure no humans were watching (which if Crawly had been anyone else he would have considered reckless) Lilith’s eyes flashed from her regular warm brown to the haunting yellow of an owl’s, and he could tell that whatever was in the distance was in clear focus for her.

“It’s… a boat?” She told him, confused.

“What- a boat?”

“Yeah, a giant boat. Sitting on a rock. Lots of animals roaming around too.”

“A boat on a rock?” Crawly scratched his cheek, thinking. “What good is a boat that’s nowhere near water?”

“Why don’t you go out there and ask?” Lilith turned, eyes back to normal, and took real, hard look at him this time. “Or is there something out there that scares you?”

“Uh- Wha- Agh-“ Crawly opened his mouth to argue that there was nothing out there that could possible scare him, not one being, not even one little ang- but he stopped himself and shut his mouth again. No, he wasn’t going there. Instead he said defensively, “W-What are you doing here is the real question?”

Just as he knew it would, Lilith’s face brightened and her big brown eyes sparkled. If there was one thing Lilith loved to talk about, it was Lilith.

“I’m training!” She said gleefully. 

“Training?”

“Oh, didn’t anyone tell you?” The look on her face was so proud Crawly found himself actually interested in learning what she was talking about. “Asmodai gave me my own Legion. I’ve been training them in the area for some time now.”

Asmodai, one of Satan’s Princes of Hell. He had taken Lilith under his wing when she first became a demon to teach her the job, out of his feelings of responsibility to Hell of course and completely not because of her stunning figure and he being a demon of lust. 

It wasn’t long before Crawly learned the two were a “thing,” and though he did not personally like Asmodai all that much (to be fair he didn’t like any of the Princes), he treated Lilith well and made her life as a demon all the better with his status, so he couldn’t really complain. 

“Your own Legion?” Crawly said, unable to keep the impressed tone from his voice. “That do what?”

Lilith shrugged, trying to downplay her joy. “Just the usual: entice humanity, tempt them into sinning. Only they specialize in sex.”

Of course that’s what they were doing. Crawly had learned very quickly after first meeting her that Lilith was a very, well, sexual creature. In fact, it turned out most of her fights with Adam in Eden started over how to have sex, with Adam being described as “vanilla” by Lilith. It wasn’t long until she was able to weaponize her libido and body once turned into a demon, and she became infamous for tempting humans to their side with nothing but a sultry look and the promise of a good time. 

Crawly didn’t get it himself, there was no real trickery or planning, it was basically plopping yourself in front of the humans and letting them go to town. Where was the fun in that? But it clearly worked for Lilith, and she quickly became one of the top demonic earners while doing so.

“Wait a minute,” Crawly tilted his head to the side, thinking. “Are those the demons I’ve been hearing the rabbis preaching warnings about all of a sudden? What’re they calling them?”

“Incubi and succubi,” she said, trying not to smile with pride. “But really, they’re all the same demons. Humans just cannot wrap their heads around switching genders when you feel like it.”

Crawly nodded. “Yeah, well, I imagine it’s going to be a few thousands years before they do.”

“You know,” Lilith said, eyeing Crawly up and down in a way he did not enjoy. “We are still looking for recruits. I think you’d make a pretty little incubus if you tried.” She reached out to pluck at one of his fiery ringlets, but he shouldered her off.

“Ah, no, thanks, I’m good,” he told her, trying not to sound defensive but failing at it. “Besides, I have a job that I’m doing right now.”

“What, staring out at a group of people and a boat and not doing anything about it?” She said accusingly. 

“I’m sowing seeds,” Crawly shot back weakly. “My kind of temptation is an art, I’ll have you know. It’s nuance, it takes planning and figuring out little details, things that take time but have a large outcome. It’s not walking up to strangers and making them want to fuck me.”

Lilith raised an eyebrow. “Sounds like you could use a good fuck.”

If Crawly had been drinking something he would have spit it back out at her words, but he wasn’t, so he was left instead to sputter over his own tongue. A f- a fuck? That was the last thing on his mind! Honestly! And this was not the time for a specific blonde figure to pop into his head! Oh, Satan help him!

“Why _are_ you avoiding this boat so much?” Lilith asked before he could collect himself, eyeing his suddenly red face. She took a step closer to him, eyes sharp, and raised a talon to his face that was even sharper. “Spill it, Crawly.”

She never used his actual name unless she was very serious. He glanced at the talon alongside his cheek, then at her face, then gulped.

“There’s an angel out there,” he finally said with a sigh, giving in.

“An angel?” Lilith glanced back out to where the boat was, then back at Crawly. “Here?”

“I’m not entirely sure,” he admitted, “but I think it’s very likely. The locals were talking about a strange man who miraculously healed some of them.” A strange man with a warm smile, a gentle hand, and hair paler than sand was what the locals had actually said, but he left that part out.

“And you’re afraid of him?”

This made Crawly snort and he shook his head. “Not in the least.”

“You know who it is?”

“If it’s the one I think it is, his name is Aziraphale.”

“Aziraphale.” Lilith finally lowered her talon away from Crawly’s face and instead brought it to her own chin as she thought. “Wasn’t he the Angel of the Eastern Gate?”

“Mm, I wouldn’t know, maybe,” he lied, because he did in fact know that Aziraphale was the Angel of the Eastern Gate back in Eden, as well as that he was a Principality, and a few other things Crawly had learned while discretely asking around Hell right after he at met the angel in question.

“No, I think he was,” she said, too busy trying to remember to notice Crawly’s bad portrayal of nonchalance. “Yes, I remember him now, from Eden. He was the only angel that was kind to me.”

This caught Crawly’s attention, and though he wasn’t exactly surprised, he couldn’t help but ask, “Really?”

“Mm hm,” Lilith nodded, her eyes far away, looking into another time. “When I tried to talk to the others about my predicament with Adam, they just dismissed what I said, told me it would work itself out. But Aziraphale actually listened. He suggested I try talking to Adam about how I felt.”

“Did you?”

Lilith’s snapped back to the present and gave him a rueful smile. “I did. That was the day you found me crying in the garden.”

Crawly shifted uncomfortable, not sure what to say. He wanted to squeeze her shoulder in comfort, or pat her hand, but he wasn’t good at that kind of stuff, and he knew Lilith would only see it as pity. As if noticing him grappling with what to do, Lilith changed the subject.

“If it is Aziraphale out there, you don’t have to hide here, he’s not a threat.”

“I’m not- I know-“

“_Go_,” Lilith said, suddenly taking him by the shoulders and firmly shoving him out towards the boat in the distance.

“Ah- hey!” he shouted, nearly stumbling over his own sandals. Quickly he righted himself before he could fall into the dirt, then spun and stared back crossly. “That was bloody rude!”

“I want to know what’s going on,” she told him, leaning casually up against his tree. 

“Then go see for yourself.”

She shook her head with a mischievous smile, causing her hair to bounce. “I have to go check on my trainees. You go check it out, and we’ll meet back here later. Sound good?”

“Yeah, alright, fine,” Crawly finally conceded. Not just because he could never, truly say no to her, but because he now he had a real reason to head out to the commotion in the fields. Lilith wanted to know, and her word was basically backed by one of Hell’s Princes, so _really_ it was like an order. He’d go see what’s up with the mystery boat, and if he happened to cross paths with any angels, then that’s just what happened. 

What could go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In some legend, Lilith married a demon named Asmodeus. However, we all know that when Crowley tells Aziraphale he's changed his name, one of his guesses at to the new name is Asmodeus, so I didn't want to cause any confusion so I used a different spelling for the demon Lilith hooks up with, Asmodai.   
There are also legends that connect Lilith to screech owls, so I decided that's what her demonic animal form would be.


	3. The Drunken Festival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith summons Crawly to Egypt for a giant party, but things between them are not on good terms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took foreeeever to write!  
I really tried my best to make things work in a historically accurate timeline. And then I said "I don't care anymore!" So please don't nitpick how historically accurate this is because I promise you, it is not in the least. We're just here for fun and shipping angst!

_What could go wrong?_

Well a lot, it turned out.

Two guards escorted Crawly into the vast stone temple, eyeing him warily. When they first met him on the Taremu docks that sat on the banks of the Nile as Crawly disembarked from a barge, one had tried to gruffly grab him by the arm, only to be met by flashing yellow eyes and a sudden rush of intense fear. That put an end to any manhandling, but they kept tight grips on their spears, so Crawly didn’t try any other funny business. Not that they could kill him, but filling out the paperwork for a new corporation was just too tedious, and he was in a foul enough mood already. 

Without a word, the guards nodded to each other and quickly left, leaving the demon alone in the center courtyard. Though he found himself in Egypt he still wore the black and red variety of the robes typical of Babylonia, which was where he had been when he received his, well, his “summons.” 

Idly, trying not to give any feelings of mistrust away through his body language, Crawly made his way further into the temple, looking at the tall statues with what he hoped was nonchalance. He didn’t want to give away the conflict rolling around in his stomach, though the severity of his frown would be hard for anyone to miss. But nobody came to greet him. In fact, it didn’t seem like anyone else was there.

_She calls me all this way and then doesn’t show?_ He thought to himself, grinding his teeth without realizing it. _Typical._

Once he reached the inner sanctum of the temple, where a large fire burned and more animal headed statues held braziers in their hands, he stopped. There were low couches made of gold, and plants potted in gold, and food on platters made of gold. In fact, the only things not made of gold were the sandstone walls and the gauzy drapes hung between the outside pillars to keep the sand from blowing inside.

But there was still nobody around, and he found himself balling his hands into fists so hard his nails bit into his palms. Now this would not do, these feelings of annoyance, and dread, and like he was getting ready for a fight he both wanted and didn’t want at the same time. He assured himself he was above that. He had to act cool, nonplussed.

Finally he crossed his arms, chin out, and yelled out defiantly, “Alright Lilith, I’m here.”

“There is no one by that name here,” a familiar voice called from behind a couple of the closer curtains that swayed in the breeze. “There is only _Sekhmet_!”

She dramatically flung aside the curtains and stepped into the firelight. Her black hair was about her head in a wild cloud, heavy dark kohl around her eyes, and she was adorned head to toe in gold and jewels over a red dress. She struck a pose like one of the statues around her, arms at weird angles and one foot before the other. 

Crawly let her look very pleased with herself for a moment before drawling, “is that supposed to mean something to me?”

Lilith’s grin turned into a frown and she stood normally. “Oh come on, it’s one of the locals’ goddesses. War, I believe, very fierce and violent.”

“And that has to do with you calling me here because?”

“Because they’re having a festival for her!” Lilith came closer, her face excited if a bit eager (though it was hard to tell under all the makeup), but Crawly noticed that she didn’t come nearly as close to him as she used to. It would seem she remembered what had happened the last time the two were together and wasn’t quite sure where the two of them stood. To be fair, he didn’t really know either. 

“It’s one of the biggest festivals around here,” she continued to explain, almost bouncing on her feet, “the whole city gets absolutely smashed. They dye the beer red, I think to make it look like blood for some reason, and drink barrels and barrels of it until everyone is completely wasted.”

“So you’re posing as their goddess to take advantage of their party, essentially.”

“Don’t say it like that,” Lilith chided. She lifted her clawed hand as if to lightly punch him in the shoulder, but thought better of it. However, Crawly caught sight of what was on it.

“What in all things unholy is that?” He asked, pointing to her talon.

“What, these?” She now lifted both her hands to show that she was wearing some sort of gloves, but they were black and furry. “They were a cat, but now they’re accessories.”

Crawly gaped at her, more grossed out than horrified. “You killed a cat? To _wear_?”

“Well I can’t really go around with bird hands when I’m supposed to be a lioness goddess. But with the fur, now my talons are paws, see?” She made a batting motion at him like a cat would, showing how the tips of her sharp claws poked out the ends of the gloves.

“Aren’t cats scared around these parts?” he asked, still appalled.

“Oh, psh,” Lilith waved away his concern. “Like anything they worship here is real, we both know it’s heretic. Which is all the more reason to encourage their festival and personally see to it being a success. It’s a lot like what we did back on Crete.”

“Crete… oh yeah.” It took a moment to draw up the memory, since he had spent the majority of the time there inebriated.

It had been just a couple hundred years ago: the two demons had ventured to the Greek island and inspired the locals to try something new. Crawly supplied copious amounts of alcohol, Lilith supplied the Succubi disguised as revelers, and a new cult was born. 

“You didn’t call me all the way here to get me to ride a tiger again, did you?” Crawly asked, mildly concerned. He remembered a specific night and how difficult it was trying to tame a giant striped cat while Lilith laughed off to the side, drunk and completely unhelpful. He’d almost been discorporated more than a few times at that particular party.

She tossed her wild hair back in a genuine laugh, recalling the event herself. “No tiger this time, promise.”

Crawly couldn’t help a little smile tugging at the corner of his lip. Whether it was from being reminded of the good times or the real happiness in her voice, he wasn’t sure. Though he would never admit it, mostly because Lilith would probably mock him relentlessly for the rest of time, but ever since he first found Lilith weeping alone in Eden and he had convinced her to leave, a part of him felt like it was his responsibility to ensure she didn’t weep again. 

His eyes lingered on her taloned hands for a second, and his stomach did the old familiar flip-flop. Yes, it had been him that promised her a better life away from the Garden, and she had trusted him enough to go with. And he had tried for many decades to ensure she got just that.

“We could have so much fun with this,” Lilith was continuing. When he looked back up at her face he noticed how eager she looked, but also a bit excited. “Nothing like encouraging these humans to worship their false gods to bring more souls to our side.” 

He gave a noncommittal shrug, uttering only “Ehm.” It could be fun, getting completely hammered and reveling all day under the desert sun. Maybe even turn into a giant snake and scare a couple people. It would almost be like old times, but-

“You could be my high priestess for the day,” Lilith offered, cautiously taking another step closer him, her dark eyes wide with what could possibly be hope. “We’d have to change your look of course, add a dress and some breasts, but I think you could pull it off. We could damn all these people together, as they truly deserve.”

The last part she said in a low, husky voice, dripping with hunger and possibly disgust. There was a violent glint in her eyes now, one that said she would love nothing more than to see these humans tormented in Hell for eternity, the exact same one he had seen in her gaze the last time they’d been together, back on the day the rains had come.

The change in her was volatile and could not be ignored. Crawly closed his eyes and took a deep breath to ignore his stomach rolling. “No.”

“No?” she echoed, surprise in her voice. The darkness that had filled her expression a moment before vanished.

“No,” Crawly repeated. “Not interested.” He spun on his heel and started heading for the entrance of the temple. He could hear her footsteps following.

“What- Crawly, where are you going?”

“Back to Babylon,” he threw over his shoulder. “I was in the middle of something before you saw fit to send me a summons.” His words dripped acid, the annoyance of being forced all the way to Egypt just because she said so came rushing back. He wasn’t one of her Legion, he wasn’t any other demon who could be made to jump just because she, a consort to a Prince of Hell, said so. 

Behind himself he could hear her stop suddenly in her tracks.

“Are you still mad at me because of the whole flood thing?”

He ignored her, letting the rigidity of his body convey his reply as he continued to skulk towards the front of the temple.

“Oh for Hell’s sake, Crawly, it was over a hundreds of years ago, get over it!”

This cut through his stubborn silence, and without even meaning to he found himself spinning around, a snarl on his face and his eyes ablaze. “_Get over it?!_ They died, Lilith, and you tell me to _get over it?!_”

The day came rushing back in clarity, a day he tried very hard not to think of (mostly by drowning it away in booze). He had gone to see the strange giant boat, as well as Aziraphale (though he would never admit that under pain of discorporation). There were so many people around, and the angel looked, well, angelic in the bright sunlight, and it had been so nice to talk to him again.

Only Aziraphale was anxious, and clouds quickly rolled in, and though Crawly kept a collected face in front of him, Aziraphale’s words cut straight to the core. As the first raindrops fell all Crawly could see were the faces of the children running in glee, dancing in what they thought was only a small shower.

Lilith had found him later that evening when he didn’t show up to meet her. He was under a tree with a bottle practically glued to his hand, several empty ones strewn around him, uncaring for how the rain had soaked through his robes while it continued to fall or how the mud clung to his back and legs. 

“They’re only humans, Crawly,” she had hissed at him then. 

Now, under the bright light of the sun in the temple’s courtyard, Lilith stuck her chin out stubbornly, her furry hands on her hips. 

“I don’t understand why you’re still angry,” she told him sternly. “You’ve been avoiding me for decades.”

“Don’t under-?” he began, then gave an angry, humourless laugh. “Of course you don’t understand, all the humans are to you is entertainment.”

“And they aren’t to you?” 

“That- that is- yes, okay, yes they are.” A bit of his venom ebbed out of his voice. “But they are more, too.”

“They are more,” Lilith agreed, but he could tell by her expression it was not in a good way. “They are liars. They are murderers. They are manipulators almost as bad as demons.”

“Not all of them,” he spat back.

“You know what I see when I look a human in the face, Crawly?”

He threw his hands up in the air in frustration. “I assume you’re going to tell me even if I don’t want to know.”

“Him.” Though her face remained hard, Crawly could have sworn he saw something else flicker in her dark eyes. Hurt?

“Adam,” Lilith continued, crossing her arms defensively, as if shielding herself from an unseen foe. “They’re all just like him; selfish, self absorbed. Each and every one of them are descended from him, is it any wonder it only took ten generations for God to wipe a bunch of them out as way of example?”

“Not all of them are like him,” he replied tightly. He knew Adam was still a sore spot for her after all these hundreds of years, and most of the time he tried to respect that, but- “There were children, Lilith. Children who hadn’t even grown into their personalities, children who hadn’t learned the difference between right and wrong, good and evil.”

“All the better for them, then. At least they didn’t have to grow up and suffer. At least they got a free pass to Heaven.”

Crawly was taken aback. He knew Lilith could be cruel, he had seen it first hand many times, but this? He stumbled back against a golden couch and without thinking sat down. He stared up at her, wide eyed and mouth agape. 

“Surely you can’t think it was fair,” he finally uttered after a moment of stunned silence. “Surely you can’t think that the innocent deserved it.”

For a second he thought she would raise her voice again, howl angrily at him, but instead her words were low and her face unreadable. “Nobody said anything about fairness. Haven’t you realized by now, Crawly, that nothing in the world is fair?”

He opened his mouth but nothing came out, so he helplessly closed it again.

“There is nothing in all of creation that is fair,” Lilith continued, her fuzzy hands balling into fists where they rested across her chest. “Not in the lives of the humans, not in ours. Don’t be mad at me for how things are, it’s all Her plan. She’s the one that sent the flood, She’s the one that condemned those children to death. If you’re going to be angry with someone, be angry at Her.” 

It's not like he had never thought along the same lines, of course he had, especially after the flood. But never before had he heard somebody else speak it. He felt a little bit of his frustration and anger fizzle away, but not all of it.

“You still don’t have to treat them like that,” Crawly finally uttered, finding he could no longer meet her blazing gaze. Instead he ran a hand over his own face.

“Who, the humans?” she asked. “Treat them like what?”

“Like prey!”

“Prey? They hardly count as prey!” she exclaimed, but not in an angry way, more like she was talking to a child. 

Though he was still rubbing his face, feeling fatigue set in now that the angry adrenaline was leaving his limbs, he felt the couch shift as she plopped down beside him, though at the other end and an arm’s length away from him.

“The humans basically condemn themselves,” she told him, but not unkindly. “They do terrible things to each other, unprovoked. We don’t even have to do anything at all except sit back and reap the rewards of their own depravity.”

Finally he put his hands down and looked over at Lilith with a sigh. He knew she was right, at least about that. He had seen time and time again the horrible acts humanity could do, and often times felt a bit envious of their ingenuity. Already he’d claimed a few of their inventions as his own while reporting to head office.

“Doesn’t it make you feel-“ he began, then wiggled his hand in the air while he searched for the right word. “- duplicitous?”

“Duplicitous? Chicken, that’s in our nature. We are demons.”

“No, that’s not the right word.” He frowned, thinking again. “Iniquitous, that’s it.”

For a moment Lilith didn’t reply, then she patted his arm. “Come with me.”

“Ngh?” He watched her get up and walk towards the drapes swaying in the wind, and then quickly got up and followed her outside the temple.

The temple itself was high on a hill, looking down at the snaking Nile River and bustling streets the city of Taremu, where citizens could be seen getting things ready for the festival.

“Look at them down there,” Lilith uttered from where she leaned against the carved railing when Crawly reached her side. “Do you know why I decided to come here?”

“I thought you wanted to get absolutely smashed?”

A smile tugged at her lips. “I do. But it wasn’t the only reason. Do you see all this wealth? All these pristine buildings and well-dressed people?”

“Are you going to just tell me or are we going to keep playing guessing games all day?”

“Slavery,” she said in way of explanation. “All of this was built on the backs of slaves. All these people have been benefiting from other humans being captured and forced to work until they break or die. Day after day, no rest.”

Crawly cast a yellow eye down at the city below. Suddenly it looked a lot less picturesque. 

“I’m not interested in corrupting or punishing the innocent,” Lilith continued, “I prefer to set my sights on those who already deserve damnation. And yes, I'm admitting that not all humans are vile. The children start off well enough, they only grow into depraved beings under the instruction of their equally depraved parents."

“How insightful of you,” he drawled. "At least you're leaving them alone. It's very noble." But when he thought back, that’s how it had always been hadn’t it? Those Lilith and her Legion chose to entice, the cult back on Crete, the other circles of humanity she chose to infiltrate. They were all souls slated for Hell already, or damn near close, Lilith just showed up and took their sinning to another level.

“Don’t be insulting,” she warned, but there was an amused twinkle in her eye. “Besides, I’m not the only one with a similar modus operandi.”

“I have no idea what you mean.” Before she could open her mouth to retort, possible accusing of Crawly of Hell knows what, he instead flicked a hand towards the city below. “So, these slave owners?”

“Heretic slaver owners,” she corrected.

“What do you have planned for them?”

She shrugged a pretty shoulder. “Ensure they reap the rewards they have been working so hard to get.” A smiled appeared on her face, but it was a little cruel. Then a new thought seemed to pop into her head as the smile disappeared into an “Oh!” and she grabbed Crawly’s arm, careful not to cut him with her nails.

“For Satan’s sake-” he began with a start, but she spoke over him.

“Since being here I’ve learned a few interesting things. You’ll never guess who a good chunk of these slaves just so happen to be.”

“God’s Chosen.” The words slipped out before he even thought to stop them. Once he realized what he had said and saw the excitement in her face morph into something else, Crawly straightened and cleared his throat. “Or so I’ve been told.”

“Been told?” Lilith repeated, narrowing her eyes at him. “By who? I didn’t even know that until I got here. When I told Asmodai about it, he said nobody in management knew. Upstairs has been quite tight lipped about their Precious Chosen Ones being enslaved. I imagine they find it rather embarrassing. So who told you?”

“Ughm- just uh, heard it around,” he tried to backtrack, but it was useless. He could see by the look in Lilith’s eyes that he had her undivided attention.

“Crawly. _Spill_.” She emphasized the last word with by poking a sharp talon in his side.

“Ow! Hey!”

She held up her razor-sharp claw as a warning. “Tell me.”

“For Hell’s sake! Fine! It was Aziraphale!” He didn’t look her in the eye, instead pretended to be inspecting the hole in his robe that was made when she poked him.

“Aziraphale?”

“Hm,” he tried for noncommittal, but really his heart was suddenly beating fast. He hadn’t told anyone about the run ins he’s had with the angel, not since the last time he’d seen Lilith.

“You’ve been talking with Aziraphale?” 

Crawly risked a glance at her. She was leaning on the balcony railing, body facing him, head titled to the side and breeze fluffing her hair. The look on her face wasn’t angry, or disgusted. If anything, he would have described it as amused. 

“I wouldn’t say _talking with_,” his words came out quickly. “More like running into briefly. Now look what you’ve done, Lilith, you’ve torn this. This was brand spanking new, I’ll have you know.” He tried to stretch out the fabric of his robe to show her the damage done, but the other demon didn’t even glance at where he was gesturing.

“Do you run into him often?” she asked instead.

Crawly scrunched up his nose and looked off into the distance, feeling too scrutinized under her gaze. He made a few weak attempts at a sentence that was really just awkward noises before finding himself able to answer. 

“Wh- nah, I wouldn’t say _often_,” was what he was able to manage. “Just a few times. Less than a few, really.”

It was the truth, since the Ark Crawle had only come across Aziraphale twice, and only one of those times did they spend any real amount of time together. It had just been a couple days ago in Babylon, and the unlikely pair had ended up getting drunk in a local tavern together, which was when Aziraphale had let it slip about the Chosen People being enslaved. And by “let it slip,” he had gone on a half hour tangent about how some man named Joseph had essentially damned the whole lot of them via dream journal. Crawly only understood bits and pieces of it, of course, but he was more than willing to lend the angel a sympathetic ear and top up his drink when needed.

“In conclusion,” the angel had slurred that night, “do not trust polytheists!”

But now Crawly finished fiddling with his robes, waiting for Lilith to say something since she was eyeing him thoughtfully. He didn’t have to wait long, of course, Lilith was rarely quiet for long.

“It would be handy,” she started slowly, not taking her eyes off him, “having an angel to converse with every now and then, don’t you think?”

“Nm, can’t say I follow.”

“Well just look at this,” she waved a hand down at the city but still kept watching Crawly. “Management didn’t know anything about the enslavement of the Chosen People, but you just happened to run into Aziraphale and get the whole scoop.”

“Wasn’t that easy,” Crawly told her. He wasn’t sure he liked where this was going. “Had to get him piss drunk first.”

“Drunk?” He was certain that if her head titled to the side any more it would fall off. “You actually got an angel to get drunk with you?”

Oh no, he didn’t like this. He didn’t like that smile she was giving him or the sparkle in her eye. She was up to something, he could feel it in his gut.

“I didn’t “get an angel to get drunk” with me, it was his idea.”

The smile widened, the head tilted more. “_His_ idea?”

“Y-yeah, he was in a bad mood, wanted a drink. Turns out he was mad about the enslavement thing.”

“I bet.”

“Can’t say I blame him.” Crawly was spiralling, he knew it, but when Lilith got like this, when she smiled sweetly (or creepily) and gave you her undivided attention instead of cracking a joke or snarling in anger, it was hard to read her, and he didn’t like when things were hard to read. 

But he just couldn’t keep his mouth shut. “Having your God allow the people She favours be forced into generations of enslavement, without being told why, it can piss anyone off.”

Lilith nodded her head, still smiling. “Aziraphale trusts you.”

To this Crawly laughed. It was a little strained, but still pretty genuine. “I would not go that far.”

“But he feels comfortable enough to open up to you.”

“After- after a few drinks, to be sure.”

Now she came closer to him, closer than she had the entire time Crawly had been in the temple. She placed her hands on shoulders and looked him squarely in the eye. Without meaning to he found himself leaning away from her. “It’s important to have someone to talk to from time to time, don’t you think?”

“To be honest Lilith, you are creeping me out a little.”

That seemed to finally break her intense spell. She laughed, big and deep, tossing her head back with an open mouth, and the tenseness Crawly didn’t realize was inside his body finally loosened. Her hands left his shoulders as she stepped away and he felt he could breathe easier.

“I’m just saying,” Lilith stated once her laughter subsided, “maybe Aziraphale could use a friend down here. We have each other, and the other occasional demon that skulks around. Who does he have?”

That seemed fair, as far as Crawly knew Aziraphale was the only angel stationed on Earth, while demons came and went as they pleased around here. Was it lonely for him?

He followed Lilith back inside the temple and noticed that there was activity near the entrance. Priestesses appeared to be getting ready to leave for the festival.

Instead of heading towards them, Lilith turned to him once more. “We do have each other, right?”

The questions took him by surprised. Her face was eager again, like when he first arrived. That’s right, the whole thing about him coming here was meant to be a peace offering, wasn’t it? Even though she had sent him a summons like he was some common underling.

Still, he couldn’t stay mad at her. Wait, actually, he could, he had spent the past couple hundred years mad at her, but he didn't _want_ to be. Perhaps it was time to let that fight go. There were sure to be more in the future, after all.

Not looking at her, he scrunched up his nose as if he had a bad taste in his mouth. “Of course we do.” 

Lilith bounced on the balls of her feet, smiling brightly, and for a second he thought she would hug him. But she didn’t, thank Satan, but it did make him feel happy that maybe she had want to. Neither of them were good at affection. 

"I'm sorry I dismissed your feelings that day." The day the rains had come.

That made Crawly make a face like he had tasted something awful. "Do _not_ talk about my feelings, please."

"I'm trying to apologize."

"Well stop it," he told her firmly. "Makes me queasy."

She nodded, looking a bit relieved she wouldn't have to continue that conversation. “I can arrange passage back to Babylon for you."

“What about the festival?”

“You said you had work to do back there.”

“Phf,” he flapped a hand at her, “it’ll be there when I get back.”

He wasn’t sure if it would, since there hadn’t been any business, only Aziraphale, but he was nearly certain the angel had already moved on from the city. For some reason he was sure he would run into him again, they always ended up in the same place, and that thought warmed his insides.

As Lilith help him dress for his roles as High Priestess, applying kohl to his eyes, she leaned in close. “I promise I won’t tell anyone, either.”

“What?”

“About your dalliances with the angel.”

“Wha- fgh- they are not _dalliances_!” he stuttered back. Then after a moment, added, “Thanks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO  
-The cult on Crete they are talking about is the Cult of Dionysus and the party they had was the start of the Dionytic Mysteries.  
-there really was a huge festival in Egypt for the goddess Sekhmet where every got complete fucking wasted on beer.  
-the city Taremu is an ancient city also known as Leontopolis after the Greeks came. It had an important temple to Sekhmet.  
\- God's Chosen People are the Israelites who, I think most people would better recognize as the Hebrews from Exodus/story of Moses. So this chapter takes place before the events of then.  
-the Joseph Aziraphale mentions is of course the Joseph with the Coat of Many Colours, dreamreader guy, who convinced the Israelites to all move to Egypt, which resulted in later generations becoming enslaved. So yeah, totally his fault. Never dreamt about that now did he.


	4. The Vile Emperor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale meets a strange woman in a darkened alley. Crowley surprises Lilith with an unexpected visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, remember when I said these were going to be short chapters? THIS ONE TOOK FOREVER  
Originally I wasn't going to have Aziraphale make an appearance in this story, it was just supposed to be about Crowley and Lilith's unlikely friendship and Lilith shipping the angel and demon hardcore. But then I got this idea of Lilith playing Aziraphale just like she plays Crowley and well... this happened.

Aziraphale always considered himself a pacifist, he preferred to avoid problems as much as possible, and if he couldn’t he would try to solve the issue with words instead of brute strength. Most of the time this worked in his favour, but on this particular morning, with the sun not even above the horizon, it would seem his soft words were going to let him down.

He was in a tiny alley along the outer walls of Rome, which was hidden away from any busier sections of the city and quite dead at dawn, save for the large Roman city guard standing directly in front of the angel, and a shivering young woman pressing herself against a stone wall, fear plastered all over her face.

“What did you say?” the guard was huffing down at him, eyes blazing with anger as he glared down his nose at Aziraphale.

“I _asked_,” Aziraphale clarified, trying not to lean away from the man’s horrendous breath in case it looked like cowardice, “if you would please leave this poor woman alone.”

It had only been a few moments ago that Aziraphale, who was making a final round of the city to make sure no other disasters befell it after a long night of putting out metaphorical and actual fires throughout all Roman neighbourhoods, when he had heard a scream and he quickly made his way to the source of the sound: the poor woman being forced against the wall by brute which now stood before him.

“It sounded more like an order the first time,” the guard said with a sneer. “And I don’t take orders from you.”

“Who do you take orders from, then?” Aziraphale asked, trying to remaining smiling and nonthreatening even as the man’s noxious breath continued to waft up his nose. It had been a long, tiring night, but he would not show how weary he really was. “Perhaps I could take your behaviour up with them?”

“What’s wrong with my behaviour?”

“Well, I’m sure your higher ups would not be pleased to learn of you harassing civilians the way you were this lovely lady.” He gave an encouraging nod to the woman who remained frozen against the stone wall, unable to look away from what was going on in front of her.

“After all,” Aziraphale continued, looking back up at the guard and adding a bit of bite to his voice, “is it not your job to protect the Emperor’s people?” For a moment he truly thought the larger man would back down, but instead he let out a short laugh that sent a chill down Aziraphale’s spine. 

“Haven’t you heard?” he asked, taking a step closer to the angel. Though Aziraphale kept eye contact, out of his peripheral vision he could see the man’s hands balling into fists. “The Emperor’s dead. Nobody’s in charge, so nobody can tell me what to do.”

For a second Aziraphale thought about snapping his fingers and making the guard disappear, but he couldn’t with the woman there to witness it. She might go into hysterics, or maybe even have a psychological break given the fragile state she was in. How would he explain that at Head Office? It may just be easier to fight.

Certain the guard would raise one or maybe even both fists, Aziraphale quickly closed his eyes and spread his feet a little wider, preparing for defend himself when-

“_Quintus Cassius_.”

The voice was strong and stern, it rang out down the alley. It did not come from the guard, and Aziraphale was certain it didn’t come from the frightened woman by the wall, either. 

Aziraphale opened a blue eye to peak at his foe and found that the guard was frozen in place, one fist above his head like he was ready to bring it down upon the angel, but now his head was turned in the direction the voice came from.

“C-Claudia Lillia,” the guard stuttered. In a flash he was turned away from Aziraphale, both arms down at his sides, and bowing quickly to whoever he was speaking to.

Straightening himself, Aziraphale looked over to whoever it was that had startled the guard so. It turned out to be a woman walking towards them from the other end of the alley with an air of dignity, two servants following behind. As she came closer he could see that she was dressed as an aristocrat, adorned in fine clothing and shawls with bright jewels dancing on her dark skin and even in her tied up hair.

However, though he scrutinized her face, he found he couldn’t exactly make it out, except for her dark eyes that were boring angrily into the guard.

The woman stopped a few feet away from the two men, and though she was a full head shorter than the guard he coward under her glare. Then, without saying anything to him or Aziraphale, she turned to the woman who remained against the cold stones of the wall.

“What is the meaning of all this?” the fearsome lady demanded. 

“You see-” the guard began, but was silenced by a dark finger in his face. Or at least Aziraphale thought it was a finger. It was the darndest thing, even though he tried to look at it he felt like his eyes refused to focus.

“Not _you_,” the aristocrat snapped, “I was speaking to Salvia.” She looked back to the frightened woman. “Go on.”

The woman, Salvia, looked from the guard to Aziraphale (who gave her a small, encouraging smile), then back to the woman speaking to her. 

“Forgive me, my lady,” she spoke, her voice small, “I was rushing ahead to the manor like you asked of me, to get things prepared for you, when this man,” she nodded to the guard, and for a second her mouth curled into disgust, “grabbed me and asked why I was in a hurry, and that he wanted-”

“I can imagine what he wanted,” Claudia Lillia uttered darkly, her eyes flashing back to the guard.

Aziraphale was amazed to see how quickly the guard began to sweat, and his eyes nearly bulged out of his head when he said “It’s not like-”

“Salvia,” Claudia spoke over him, “What about this one?” She turned her dagger eyes to Aziraphale and he found himself gulping involuntarily. And though she stood right before him, facing him fully, he still felt like he couldn’t focus on any particular aspect of her face other than those piercing dark eyes.

“H-he tried to rescue me, my lady,” Salvia said. Her voice was a little stronger, surer. “He appeared out of nowhere and demanded Quintus Cassius leave me alone.”

The woman’s eyes softened, and if the situation hadn’t been so tense Aziraphale may have thought there was a hint of amusement there. “Appeared out of nowhere, hmm?”

Aziraphale gulped again and gave a nervous little laugh. “From the other street, actually. Heard a scream.”

She continued to stare at him a moment longer, then motioned for one of the servants that had remained silent behind her. 

“Take Salvia back to the manor. Get her something to settle her nerves.”

The servant gave a quick bow, then went to Salvia and put a comforting arm around the poor woman’s shoulders while leading her away.

“As for _you_,” Claudia turned her attention back to the guard.

He visibly shrank away from her gaze, but Aziraphale could tell he was starting to get some of his courage back as he was standing a bit straighter. 

“T-the Emperor is dead,” Cassius said like it was an explanation. “The city has been in an uproar all day. Nobody’s in charge.”

The city had indeed been in an uproar, Aziraphale had spent the entirety of the night calming mobs and rioters, though you wouldn’t know now by how quiet the alley way they all stood in was.

“He may be dead,” Claudia nearly spat out, “but there is always someone in charge. Such as my many friends in the Senate, or the many others I have in the Praetorian Guard. I’m sure any one of them would love to hear how you manhandled an innocent girl this evening.”

Whatever courage Cassius had been regaining melted away and quickly he was on his knees before her, pleading. “Forgive me, my Lady, I lost my head in the chaos. Please, I’m a good man, I swear it.”

_A good man_, Aziraphale could have laughed, but he kept quiet. He wasn’t entirely sure what was going on here, or what influence this woman seemed to have within the higher levels of the Roman state, but he felt like things were out of his hands and into this Claudia’s. 

Her hands which, much like her face, he found he couldn’t seem to make his eyes focus on.

“Too many times I have seen you watching my servants,” Claudia told the guard, her tone dark. “Not just mine, but other young women as well. Watching them like they’re pieces of meat.”

“I promise you, I would never-“

“I want you gone from Rome.” It was not a request, it was an order. “You can have the day to collect all your belongings.”

Cassius looked up at her, face confused and horrified. “My lady, please, my entire family is here, my life-"

“And if you should remain after today,” Claudia bent down over him, a cruel smile showing. “I will take that to mean you would rather take up residence in the Colosseum, where you can battle for your pathetic life. Do you understand?”

Cassius seemed unable to speak at this threat, his face ghastly pale, and he only nodded.

“Now get out of my sight.”

The guard needed no other incentive to leave. He was on his feet and running away down the alley as fast as he could, and Aziraphale watched him go, frowning a bit.

“Should you not have reported him?” The angel asked once Cassius was out of sight. “Surely if he just leaves Rome, he could take up similar activities elsewhere?”

Claudia turned to take him in. She had mostly ignored Aziraphale since she appeared in the alley, but now her full attention was on him and the weight of those dark eyes made him squirm a little. 

After eyeing him up and down for a moment, she said, “Don’t worry, I have ways of keeping tabs on him and making sure he behaves. And in the very end, men like him always get what they deserve.”

“Indeed they do,” Aziraphale agreed, thinking not of arrests and trials but of the undying flames of Hell that awaited those like Cassius.

“I am grateful for you stepping in to help my handmaiden,” Claudia continued. “I am in your debt. What was your name?”

“Aziraphale.”

“Aziraphale,” she echoed, then smiled. “That doesn’t sound Roman.” Even though Aziraphale still couldn’t seem to make out her face, and it had not yet occurred to him that something like that should be worrisome, he felt like the expression she was wearing was a knowing one.

“I’m not from around here,” he explained.

“Nor am I,” she admitted with a shrug. Now that the altercation was over, it seemed like she was relaxing out of her authoritarian role. “But you know, when in Rome, do as Roman’s do.”

“What a clever saying. I will have to keep that in mind, though I don’t plan on staying long.”

“A shame. What brings you to the capital in the first place?”

_Preventing houses from being ransacked by rioters and civilians being attacked_, he thought, but instead he said, “just a bit of business. It’s all finished now.”

“A terrible time to arrive,” she noted. “But order will be restored shortly, I’m sure. It’s not the first time an Emperor has been assassinated.”

Azirphale frowned, hearing a touch of glee in her voice. “Not exactly something to be pleased about.” 

“Really,” she spoke over him, ignoring his comment, “you must stay and see a bit more of the city, not allow this fiasco to spoil your view of Rome. Do you enjoy food?”

The question was rather pointed, and at a different time Aziraphale would have been suspicious of it. But he was still tired from salvaging some sort of peace within the city, and his mind was swimming from trying to make heads or tails of Claudia’s face, so the mention of food simply grabbed his attention with ease.

“I do, in fact,” Aziraphale said, unable to stop himself from puffing up happily at the idea. “I have heard of some wonderful Roman delicacies but have yet to actually sample any myself.”

Claudia grinned in a returned, and for a second Aziraphale thought it looked almost predatory. “Well that is something we must change, my friend. Have you heard of Gaius Petronius Arbiter?”

The name was vaguely familiar, he had heard it during his journeys throughout the Empire. “Petronius? He’s a writer, is he not?”

“He’s many things,” she told him, “and one of those things is owning a very well established restaurant. It’s known throughout the entire city for trying new ways to prepare food.”

“You don’t say.” The thought of new dishes he had never tried before, maybe never even heard of, made his mouth start to water.

“He’s a dear friend,” Claudia continued, acting like she hadn’t noticed the hunger growing in the angel’s eyes. “Last time I spoke to him he said they were trying something new with oysters. Something marvelous.”

“Marvelous?” he uttered, trying to imagine how one could improve oysters. 

“Oh, I just thought of a wonderful idea.” She clapped her fuzzy, out of focus hands together gleeful, a far cry from the domineering woman that had first appeared in the alley way minutes ago. “As repayment for what you did for my handmaiden, I will arrange a dinner at Petronius’, the best food and wine you could want, all on me.”

“T-that is far too kind, my lady,” Aziraphale quickly stuttered out instinctively. He wasn’t one to accept any form of payment, no matter how delicious it sounded, when it came to protecting humanity.

“I insist,” she told him. She then turned to the one remaining servant with her. “Drusilla?”

The servant, who Aziraphale had nearly forgotten was still with them, stepped forward and bowed. “My lady?”

“When we return to the manor, please send a message to dear Petronius. He is to have a table put aside this afternoon for our new friend Aziraphale, and Aziraphale can have whatever his heart desires.”

“Will do, my lady.”

Aziraphale felt like his face must be turning red from embarrassment, but already he was envisioning the sort of spread that could be expected by such an esteemed establishment.

In a weak attempt to prevent himself from giving in to this strange woman’s offering, the angel quickly uttered, “oh, the afternoon is so far away. I really must be going before then.”

“Nonsense,” Claudia nearly purred. She reached out and placed a reassuring hand on Aziraphale’s arm. Wait- was that the feel of claws?

Before the sensation could even register in Aziraphale’s head, she quickly squeezed his bicep in an affectionate way and pulled her hand back, continuing with her train of thought while she looked out at the pinking sky above them.

“Though the afternoon is many hours away, you are right. You must be tired from a long night of… work.” Again her smile was knowning, but Aziraphale’s brain was too muddled to notice. “Where are you staying, friend?”

“I wasn’t planning on staying for more than the night, so no where really.”

“That simply will not do,” she told him. “Drusilla, what was the name of that tavern you were telling me about earlier?”

“The Dark Horse, my lady.”

“Yes, the Dark Horse,” Claudia nodded, turning back to Aziraphale. “It’s a lovely little tavern, Drusilla tells me. Has some wonderful drink and food, a bit of gambling if you’re into that,” here she winked, “and it’s not very far from here. I could have Drusilla show you the way and ensure you get a good room.”

This was all happening so quickly. Aziraphale’s head kept swimming, it was like trying to make any sense of Claudia’s face only muddled his brain more. He felt more and more exhausted, perhaps he really should find a place to rest. Not sleep, of course, since that wasn’t his style, but a place to at least sit and collect himself.

“Perhaps that would be a good idea,” he finally conceded. “It was a long night, I could use a place to take a breath.”

The woman smiled triumphantly, turning back to her servant. “Drusilla, please show our kind friend to the tavern, and make sure he gets the best treatment. Let them know I sent him.”

“Of course, my lady.” The servant bowed, then turned to Aziraphale. “Please follow me, my lord.” She then began to walk down the alley towards the busier streets, not looking back to see if she was being followed. 

“Oh, I should probably catch up,” Aziraphale said to Claudia, a bit flustered. “Thank you, for all of this. I hope we cross paths again.”

The woman gave a little way, her hand still undiscernible to Aziraphale’s eyes.

“I’m sure we will.”

***

The sky was dark, the moon up, and Crowley sat stretched out on a bench by the window watching it, waiting. The room was a bedroom, but he couldn't see the furnishings in the dark. Still, he was sure they were rather gaudy, knowing the owner for the room. It was a master suite in a lush manor, in the richest neighbourhood in Rome. He had scoped it out days before, when it had remained empty save for a couple servants. But early this morning the mistress of the house had returned, and he expected an audience.

It had been almost an hour since he had arrived and sent all the servants away and he had settled into the corner of the dark bedroom, and he was starting to get antsy. Originally he had planned to make his move earlier in the day, but certain, uh, unforeseen events had taken place. Which, of course, were the result of her meddling. He didn't know what she was playing at, and didn't want her to flee again before confronting her himself. Besides, management was not pleased with what she had done with her assignment, and he wanted to make sure it didn't get worse. 

Finally he could hear footsteps approaching the dark room he lurked in. The door opened and someone entered, casting a silver of light in from the hall outside for a second before the door closed again.

“Hello Lilith,” Crowley drawled from his spot in the far side of the room. 

There was a startled cry, followed by the snap of fingers before the room was filled with bright light as every candle in the place suddenly sprung to life, as well as a roaring fire in the hearth. Lilith stood across from him, dressed for as a rich Roman aristocrat, her facial expression going from scared to annoyed as soon as she saw it was him.

“Or should I call you Claudia Lillia?” he added, almost as an afterthought.

“Crowley,” she said while crossing her arms across her chest. “What in the blazes of Hell are you doing here?”

“You’ve been gone for a few months, nobody could find you. Where have you been?”

Her frown deepened and she walked over to him. “I don’t see how it’s any of your business. And what are those blessed things on your face?”

Reflexively his hand came up to touch the tinted glasses he now wore on a regular basis, and he scowled. “They’re fashionable.”

“They most certainly are not.” Lilith stopped right in front of him, squinting at the offending glasses.

“They’re so humans can’t see my eyes,” he told her while pulling them down to flash her a reptilian glare. 

“Chicken, you have the ability to keep humans from perceiving your eyes. You’ve been using it since the dawn of time.”

Crowley shrugged and looked away. “That’s tiring. This way is much easier.”

“It is tiring,” she agreed, shoving his feet off the bench and plopping down beside him while ignoring his indignant yelp. “I’ve been having to hide these the entire time I’ve been in Rome.” She lifted up her clawed hands and stretched the gnarled appendages.

“And your face, I hear.”

Though he was certain this would get some sort of reaction, Lilith continued to examine her talons coolly, denying him any satisfaction. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Oh don’t give me that,” he said accusingly. “I know you saw Aziraphale this morning, he told me.”

“You saw Aziraphale?” This caused her to turn and face him, all her attention on him. He didn’t like it one bit. “How did it happen?”

“You know how it happened, you set it up.” It had been a great surprise to run into Aziraphale that day, especially since it had taken him only moments to turn Crowley's horrid mood into an amused one. Having dinner was an added bonus, until the angel had described how he had been so fortunate as to receive the dinner as a gift.

“I didn’t.”

“Aziraphale told me some mysterious woman sent him to the very tavern I was staying at. A woman whose face and hands he couldn’t quite perceive."

Lilith actually had the audacity of pout then. “I couldn’t have him recognizing me.”

“He didn’t,” he told her, a bit more forcefully than he meant. “But he was very concerned about not being able to identify you. Took a couple drinks to convince him he was probably just over tired.” Actually, it was more a couple of drinks and a plate of oysters before he didn't seem to care anymore.

“I’ve never tried to fool an angel before,” Lilith said almost to herself. “It’s good to know I can.”

“How did you even bloody know I was staying at the Dark Horse?”

She gave a pretty shrug. “I may have been gone from Rome for a few months, but I still have spies everywhere. You have to in this city.”

“Spies. You had me spied on.” Crowley took off his tinted glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose in annoyance. 

“Not constantly,” she clarified. “And they weren’t demonic, just some regular humans. I didn't want more demons crawling around, Rome is like a powder cake, one flippant demon could spell disaster, so I've only been using humans this time around. Despite their flaws, they are easily manipulated and reliable when you have something they want."

"Sex?" he asked, not really sure if he wanted to know the answer.

This earned him a sharp glare. "I'm not a one trick demon, Chicken. I've grown my repertoire. Money and knowledge are the new forms of power here."

"Good to know."

"But when I got word that some broody, lanky ginger appeared in the Roman court and was trying to get buddy-buddy with the Emperor, I knew it was you. And I knew I had to come back.”

“I’m not broody,” he uttered, then said more sternly while putting his glasses back on, “and I wouldn’t have had to get buddy-buddy with Caligula if you hadn’t gone AWOL. It’s not often I get sent in to clean up your mess.” In fact, he had never once been sent in to clean up Lilith’s mess because usually she took care of her assignments from beginning to end all by herself. This was an anomaly. 

Her face visibly fell. She looked down at the ground, away from Crowley’s face, and she balled her talons up on her lap. He couldn’t be sure, but for a second he thought she looked ashamed. “You were ordered here? Because I left?”

“Nobody ordered me,” Crowley told her, trying and only somewhat succeeding to sound comforting. For a moment he wanted to pat her arm then quickly thought better of it. “I volunteered to take over. I knew that if you had taken off something must be wrong.”

They sat in silence for a moment, neither looking at each other. The soft sound of the night breeze flitted in from the window behind them, along with the quiet murmuring from the distant streets. It was hard to imagine that just the night before the same streets had been in chaos.

“Did you have Caligula assassinated?” Lilith finally asked, her voice just above a whisper.

“I may have put the idea in someone human’s head,” was the equally quiet reply.

“HQ loved him. They loved all the lives he ruined, all the people he damned.”

“I may have put in the argument that an assassinated Emperor would cause the worst to come out in all the people in Rome. Citizens rioting, senators backstabbing each other for more power. They went for it.”

“I’m sure you’ll get a lot of praise for that one.”

To this Crowley made a disgusted sound. “It wasn’t the praise I was after. One day after meeting Caligula and I knew he was a disgusting excuse for a human. I don’t know how you could have worked with him for months.”

“Why do you think I took off?” she asked, finally turning to face him again. “Even I, horrible demon I am, could not stomach being around him. I didn’t care if HQ made him a Valuable Asset. That man needed no demonic intervention, his deeds were all born of his own vile mind.”

“Well now he’s gone.”

She scrutinized his face, dark eyes hard to read. “And yet you don’t seem happy about it.” 

“My temptation went wrong,” he admitted. Though he tried to hide it, there was a touch of sorrow to his voice. “The assassins not only killed Caligula, but his wife and daughter as well. It was a mess.”

He hadn’t been there to see it, but he had been told in nauseous detail how Caligula’s wife, upon hearing of her husband’s death, had shown her throat and begged the assassin to slit it. The daughter had only been a year old. It made his stomach turn.

“Humans can never help themselves from going too far,” was all she said in reply. 

"Lilith," Crowley began slowly, trying not to sound too concerned. You couldn’t act concerned with Lilith, it might disgust her and make her leave. "Why did you leave your assignment? Caligula was a disgusting mad man, but you've handled worse."

"I-" she began, then stopped just as quickly. She took a slow breath, examining her talons. "I just needed some time to think."

"About?"

She flashed him a quick smile, but he could tell it wasn't genuine. "How to get you and Azirphale together again, of course."

“_Lilith_.” He gave her a hard look over the rim of his glasses, one that wordlessly assured her that he would not leave it be until she explained. Truthfully. Which was an odd thing to ask a demon to do, but Crowley had always found the two of them were the odd ones to whom the truth came easily.

“Alright fine,” she said and lightly swatted at his chest. He tried not to flinch from her claws nicking his skin. “Do you…” her voice trailed off and her eyes became unfocused, like she was trying to find the right words. This was very unlike her.

“Do I what?”

After a moment of continued thinking, she finally said, “Do you feel that Hell is changing?”

“Uhm.” It was his turn to think for a second. 

Crowley tried to spend as little time Downstairs as he could. It was too crowded, too dark (surprising since you’d think all the Hellfire would brighten the place up), and more than anything too monotonous. He only popped by when he absolutely had to, which was perhaps once every couple hundred years. 

Most demons (Lilith in included) spent a few months, maybe a few years, topside on assignment before returning below, but not Crowley. He spent his off time among humanity, finding new ways to cause havoc, and sometimes took the extra assignment here and there to avoid being forced back to Hell.

So if Hell had been undergoing any changes, he wasn’t exactly around to witness it. And he said as much.

“So you’ll need to explain better,” he told her.

“I mean,” she glanced over her shoulder for a second, out the window, as if suddenly worried about being watched. Her voice even lowered when she spoke. “How things are run.”

“Still not following.”

“It just seems to me,” her eyes darted around again, as if she was afraid of some other demon materializing out of the ether and catching them. “That HQ’s priorities have changed. They care more about the quantity of souls that we bring them, not the quality.”

“Oh that,” Crowley nearly laughed, but didn’t when he saw how serious her face was. “No-no, I know all about that. That’s been going on for a long time.”

“You don’t find it strange?” she demanded.

“No, I figure management is getting lazy.”

“I’m management.”

“Well not you,” he quickly, covering his tracks. “Never you, you’re so thorough. And creative.”

Lilith crossed her arms and looked down her small nose at him, then said, “thank you.”

“Ugh, don’t say that.” The words made him squirm. It was like he was biologically programmed to feel revolted by those very specific words.

“And I am creative,” she continued, “I have all these wonderful plans and ideas. But I showed them to Asmodai and he told me to just continue what I’ve been doing, that it’s been working just fine. Then he disappears for forever.”

Crowley rolled his head back against the windowsill and groaned. “Is that what all this is about, you’re having trouble with a man?”

This earned him a backhanded smack on his chest, not nearly has gentle as before and with a lot more nicks from her talons. These togas didn’t protect worth shit.

“I would _never_ get upset over a man,” she nearly hissed.

For a second he thought of mentioning Adam, but thought better of it as he rubbed his chest. He didn’t need to get completely clawed up this evening.

“It’s not just Asmodai that keeps disappearing,” Lilith told him. “All the Princes keep vanishing, for longer and longer periods of time. They keep giving more and more of their responsibilities to the Dukes.”

Crowley frowned. That was a bit troubling, but no reason to get one’s head in a tizzy. “Like I said, sounds like they’re getting lazy. It’s been centuries since Hell was formed, not a lot of them planned for this whole Humanity thing to take so long. The job’s not as fun as it was to them.”

“So you’re okay with it then,” she asked a bit accusingly, “you’re okay with the Princes going off to do Satan knows what, skirting their duties, and letting the Dukes run Hell?”

“M’yeah,” he admitted. “Means less eyes watching what I’m doing.”

“This really doesn’t bother you?”

“No, and it shouldn’t bother you either.” He told her, trying to sound confident but it was clear by her face it wasn’t working. “I mean it, Lilith. There’s no reason to think too much into it, just enjoy the fact that it gives us more freedom to do as we please.”

“You might be right,” she conceded, but still didn’t look convinced. “At least, with the Princes gone I can do the schemes I already made, you may not be so lucky.”

“What do you mean?”

“Beelzebub would be in charge of you, that’s who you’d be reporting to.”

This made Crowley cringe. “Uh, unfortunate. But better than Murmur. All he wants to do is debate philosophy.”

“And you do enough of that with your angel, I’m sure.”

“H-he is _not_ ‘my angel,’” Crowley quickly stuttered, before noticing the coy smile on her face. “Why do you care so much about my relationship with Aziraphale?”

“So you admit it _is_ a relationship,” she gleefully. 

“Wha- _no_!” He tried to sit up straighter and nearly ended up falling onto the floor instead. “Not that kind of relationship! Like- like a connection between two people-”

“Oh, it’s a _connection_ now, Chicken.”

“Lilith, it’s not- it’s not at all- stop that!” He didn’t like how high his voice was going, or how panicked it sounded, but certainly she didn’t notice it over her own laughter.

“You- you are- too easy,” she managed to say between laughs.

Crowley frowned and stood up. “So happy I can be amusement for you. If that’s all, I have a report to make. ‘Duchess Lilith abandoned assignment because she doesn’t like being ghosted by a boy, also human Emperor was vile.’”

“Extremely vile,” she corrected as she stood up as well. “And I didn’t leave because of Asmodai. I just- I just don’t think I like the direction Hell is going.”

“What does it matter what way it’s going?” Crowley asked. “We’re stuck with it no matter what they’re doing down there.”

“Perhaps,” was her only reply, and he wasn’t sure he liked the look she had on her face, like she was plotting. 

But the expression vanished as quickly as it had appeared, and she grinned at him. “Make sure I look good in your report,” she told him. 

“Don’t worry,”

“And sexy, too.”

To this he rolled his eyes. “Ugh, no.”

She saw him to the front door of her manor, not mentioning how not one servant was anywhere to be seen, and bid him farewell at the door.

Crowley headed back towards the Dark Horse, trying to ignore the part of him that was hoping he might run into Aziraphale again. It was silly, the angel was certainly long gone from the city by now.  
Still, it had been nice to see him, much more than he would like to admit. And to think it wouldn’t have happened if Lilith hadn’t saw fit to intervene. The idea shouldn't have warmed his chest as much as it did.

He shook his head and sighed deeply, looking up and searching the stars like they would have some sort of answer. What had he gotten himself into?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale and Crowley meet up in Rome in 41 BC, which was the year that the Emperor Caligula was assassinated. In the episode scene, Crowley is pretty annoyed with Aziraphale comes to talk to him, so here I've made it because his "quick temptation" that he was sent to do was get Caligula assassinated, which in real life resulted in Caligula's wife and daughter being murdered as well.  
If there was a riot in Rome after Caligula was killed, I couldn't find anything about it, so I invented a riot as the reason Aziraphale was there.


	5. The Black Knight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley and Lilith get drunk and have some "girl talk." He has a rude awakening to his growing feelings, while Lilith reveals the Princes of Hell are up to something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place years before Crowley and Aziraphale run into each other in Wessex.

“He said- he said “_let me tempt you!_”” 

Crowley snorted drunkenly, pausing in his story to take another swig of ale from his metal cup. He sat in a vast castle hall. It was lavish, he guessed, for the time. Nothing compared to the luxury of Egypt or Rome, but the world changed, it was just not always for the better. 

The Kingdom of Orkney was an island, but not the type he would have wanted to spend any amount of time on usually. It was cold, and wet, and mostly boring, and while the fine and furry tunic and leggings he wore kept away the cold and wet as best as they could, boredom was another matter. The ale was drinkable however, and drink it he did, as often as he could.

“An- and guess what he had the nerve to say next,” Crowley continued, waving over a servant girl to refill his cup.

“Chicken,” Lilith sighed, possibly annoyed. He couldn’t tell with how she leaned back in her great big wooden chair at the head of the dining table, the one that was reserved for the king of the island. The king was not around, however, off somewhere in Britain doing Satan knows what.

Lilith, in the king’s absence, was generally calling the shots through manipulation of the queen. Though she posed as the queen’s handmaiden, the demoness was dressed in the finery of a high lady, in heavy jewels and the hems of her gown edged in furs. Lilith sat in the king’s chair with one dark leg up on the arm, skirt pulled up to her thigh, allowing her bare foot to be massage by a dashing guard. Impatiently she tapped a taloned finger on her cup with a _ting_, though Crowley was vaguely sure no one else could see the demonic appendage but him. 

He chose to ignore her pet name, as he had gotten used to it over thousands of years, and turned to the others they dined with while pushing some of his long hair out of his face and readjusting his dark glasses. “_No_, guess.” 

It was late at night, the great big hearth fire that kept the hall warm should have been dying out but Crowley may have been keeping it alive subconsciously to keep the cold at bay. The large oak table had been cleared away for the most part of the meal that had been served hours ago, only some cold roast duck and cheese remained for the three humans eating with them to pick at while they all drank. Crowley hadn’t learned their names, they’d probably be dead soon anyway, either from rampant illness or the upcoming battles against the their numerous enemies. It was an unfortunate side effect of waging a rebellion and losing. 

When no one answered him, Crowley marched on with his story undeterred, the alcohol in his veins keeping him from getting annoyed at their silence. It really was a good story, after all.

“That bastard said “Oh no, that’s _your_ job isn’t it.”” And he let out a howling laugh, while the three humans gave half hearted chuckles.

“Chicken,” Lilith grumbled again, this time fixing Crowley with look of tipsy seriousness. “You’ve told that story.”

“N’haven’t,” he said with a frown, one that was magnified by his own drunkenness. 

“Y’have,” she mimicked him, drawing a little bit of snickering from the humans. 

“When?”

“Any chance you get!”

“Wha- _no_. Tell me the last time I did, then.”

To this she turned to the humans at the table. “Donald, did he not tell this exact same story last night?”

The man, Donald, gave a guilty glance at Crowley across the table before giving a quick nod. “He did, m’lady.”

“Nuh, sod off, Donald,” Crowley told him, pointing at him with the hand that held his glass and sloshing a bunch of ale onto the table. “Oh, my drink.”

He miracle it back into his cup without thinking, however the humans were far too drunk to notice it had happened. 

“You- you are only agreeing with her because you want to shag her,” he continued before gulping back his freshly miracled ale. 

“That’s not fair,” Lilith told him, “everyone wants to shag me.” And she stretched out in her chair in a way that allowed her gown to tighten around her curvy body. Even wasted, Crowley noticed how everyone in the room paused to watch this movement, including the serving girl that stood close by the table.

But Crowley snorted, snapped his fingers at the serving girl to get her to pay attention to him and not the she-demon, and come over to refill his cup. He then said briskly, “not _everyone_.”

“Oh thank Satan,” she replied with a laugh, offering her other foot to the guard beside her chair, making sure to hike up her dress on that side to reveal a dark thigh. “I would _never_ want you to shag me.”

“The feeling- the feeling is utterly mutual.”

“Besides, we all know who you think about in the dark of the night.” Her tone was very suggestive, and a smattering of chuckles came from their companions. 

Crowley wrinkled his nose while he thought, causing his shades to slide down a bit. “Who’s that?” Nobody came to mind. Then again, his mind was very muddled with alcohol.

Lilith, who may have been tipsy but not nearly as inebriated as him, gave Crowley a look like he was daft. 

“Hastur?” he asked, voice going up a bit in uncertainty.

“Blessed Hell, I hope not,” she said with disgust.

“Ah- I don’t really get what you’re saying,” he admitted.

She gave him a look, he wasn’t sure what it was, either annoyance or pity, and kicked the guard away that had still been rubbing her foot so she could right herself in her big chair.

“Who is it,” she began, leaning towards him, eyes dark and intense, “that you always think about? But especially at night, in the dark, when you’re curled up in bed all alone, and your body aches for that person to be beside you. _Who is it?_”

A stillness drifted over him, and he could feel tiny bumps rising on his skin. Crowley felt mesmerized by her stare, unable to look away, but continuing to do so made something in his stomach twist as his mind tried to bring him a thought through the mess of alcohol. The feeling of it made his mouth dry and his palms sweaty. It was almost there, something soft and white and-

“Is it that Aziraphale fellow he keeps talking about?” one of the humans blurted out.

Lilith’s influence broke and he shivered as he felt her power fade quickly. Had he been sober he would have been enraged at her daring to use her demonic gifts on him, but as it were his head swam around too much to notice, and he desperately tried to cling to the feeling in him that had been conjured up. But no, it was gone.

“Yes, Donald,” Lilith said, her tone dark with annoyance. She flopped back into her chair and glared at the man. “Thank you _so_ much.”

For a moment he thought the man Donald would shrivel into nothing with how he coward away from Lilith’s glare, but instead the human stuffed his face with more scraps of food just so he could look away.

“Aziraphale?” Crowley said, turning back to her and squinting in uncertainty. “What does he have to do with anything?”

The look he got in return made it seem like Lilith’s face cried “Are you an idiot?” Instead of having to continuing seeing that expression he turned back to his drink and took a healthy swallow.

“Crowley,” her voice drifted over to him, surprisingly not harsh but playful. “When was the last time you got fucked?”

The question took him by complete surprise and he nearly choked on his drink. The human beside him slapped him on the back a couple times as he coughed, while the other two across the table tried to keep from laughing.

“What kind of a question is _that_?!” He demanded, glaring at the two men that sat across from him, especially that treacherous Donald. Certainly it had something to do with Donald.

“It’s an easy question,” she said innocently. 

“That- _that_ is no proper dinner conversation,” he stuttered. He felt the heat rising in his cheeks and hoped nobody would notice. They didn’t, of course, since his face was already red from drinking.

Lilith smirked, then turned her attention to the humans who still giggled behind their hands. “I think Sir Crowley and I need time alone. You know, girl talk.”

Though she gave the men a wink Crowley could sense the sliver of power in her voice, making sure the humans did as they were told. Each of them stood, ungracefully due to drink, and bowed deeply to Lilith before tottering off. The guard that had served as Lilith’s masseur and the serving girl also took their leave, but not before the servant left her jug of ale behind. Crowley quickly grabbed it and refilled his cup.

“Now that they’re gone,” Lilith said once she watched the last human leave, “let’s get back to business.”

“What busy-ness is that?”

She gave him an unimpressed look. “Are we really going to play this game?”

“First it’s a business, then it’s a game. Make up your mind.”

Lilith rolled her head back and let out an annoyed groan. “Why are you so difficult some times? We used to talk about this kind of stuff all the time.”

“I honestly-“ he stopped midsentence to drink, “- have no idea what you’re going on about.”

“_Sex_, Crowley. We used to talk about sex all the time. Now you get all dramatic about it.”

“Hah- pft- no! _You_ would talk about sex all the time, I would just add anecdotes.”

She continued as if she hadn’t heard him. “And I for the longest time I wasn’t sure what had caused you to become such a prude, but I think it’s because you’re not getting any-“

“I get plenty, not that it’s any of your business” he quickly interjected. 

“-and you’re not getting any because you only want it from a certain person- well, certain being.”

“What in blessed Hell are you going on about?”

Lilith stopped and actually stared at him, her face completely dumbfounded. “I have to say it outright, don’t I? You want to fuck your angel, Crowley.”

These words in this exact order made Crowley lose his grip on his cup, allowing it fall and spill all it’s contents all over the table and also his lap. The hearth fire blazed brightly in equal alarm.

“Wha- how dare-“ he exclaimed, jumping up from his seat and flapping at his wet lap, but glaring at Lilith over his glasses. “This- that- no- I wouldn’t- not-“

“How elegantly rebuked,” she said with a roll of her eyes and a wave of her hand to rid Crowley’s leggings of his spilt drink.

“That is too far,” he told her, remaining standing so he could point a finger accusingly at her and stand over her smug face while doing so. “Your jokes are becoming tasteless, Lilith.”

“The only joke here is your denial.” 

“It is not denial.”

“Crowley,” she crossed her arms and all signs of tipsiness vanished from her face. “We’ve been in Orkney for three months, and every time we drink all you do is talk about Aziraphale. Even the kitchen servants know you want to do the horizontal dance with him.”

The words crashed over him like a cold wave. Everyone knew about it? But there was nothing to know, he would know if there was something to know, and he certainly did not know what it was to be known. You know? 

He sat back down with a loud thud, suddenly numb. “I need to be sober for this level of bullshit.”

“Please, do.”

He closed his eyes and willed the alcohol out of his system. What couldn’t fit in the nearby jug he forced into the fire, which made it roar again. When he opened his yellow eyes his whole body shook, it wasn’t a very pleasant experience going from absolutely hammered to stark sober in an instant. Maybe he should have left some in his system.

When he looked back over at Lilith she was giving her head a shake, causing her black curls to spring around her head. It would seem she gave up her consumed alcohol as well.

“Now let’s get one thing very straight,” Crowley told her before she could open her mouth again. “I do not want to ‘do the horizontal dance’ with Aziraphale.” Ugh, the words tasted gross on his tongue. He turned and spit on the ground, but that didn’t help in the least.

“Then you’re not hanging around the island because you’re sulking after traveling around Britain and not running into your angel once?”

Crowley frowned deeply. He had indeed traveled around Britain under the guise of the Black Knight, causing trouble here and there. And yes, he had not stumbled across Aziraphale once during that time. Not that he had been wanting to, of course, or that he actively sought out areas he thought the angel might be. No, he had simply been doing his assignment, and doing it well.

“I finished inspiring a rebellion,” he told her defensively. "It happened and it failed. I was reassigned to Orkney." His hand twitched towards his cup that still had some ale left in it, but he managed to stop himself. 

“And within a week you asked me to take it over for you.”

“Listen, teaching some unknown queen how to be a seductress is beyond me. I don’t know why they didn’t give it to the Queen of the Succubi in the first place.”

Lilith seemed to preen at the compliment. “I’m not their Queen, though I did teach them everything they know. And I honestly think Beelzebub assigned it to you and not any of the more than capable succubi because Beelzebub and I are currently at odds.”

This was news to him and he found himself cocking an eyebrow. “At odds? Go on.”

“Nice try,” Lilith _tsk_'ed him. “But we’re talking about you and your angel right now.”

“Stop calling him ‘my angel,’ he’s not ‘my’ anything.”

“But you call him angel, don’t you?”

“Because that’s literally what he is.”

The look she gave him gave the clear message that she didn’t believe him. He found himself running a hand through his long hair in frustration. 

“I don’t know what to tell you to make you believe that I don’t want to do- to do- _that_\- with Aziraphale.”

“Maybe if you didn’t talk about him incessantly every time you’re drunk. Which is almost every night, I might add.”

“Sorry for needing to drink!” He cried, raising his hands to the ceiling. “This place is bloody boring, there’s nothing to do except drink.”

“You could fuck,” Lilith offered, voice serious. “I find it passes the time well.”

“Again with the fucking.” Exasperated he lowered his head to the table with a soft thud, letting his arms dangle down towards his toes.

“You used to enjoy it. Remember the orgy on Crete?”

“_Orgies_ on Crete,” he corrected, not bothering to lift his head. “You had yours, I had mine. There was no way we were being part of the same one.”

“Those were the days.” Her voice hummed with wistfulness. “Now be honest, I promise not to ask you again if you’re honest, but when was the last time you got laid?”

A groan escaped his throat, but he knew that once Lilith caught the scent of something she liked, she didn’t let it go. Perhaps her demon form should have been a hound instead of an owl. He rolled his head to the side to see her, and indeed though she sat relaxed to the casual viewer he could see the sharpness of her eyes, like a predator watching a wounded animal.

“Not again?”

“Not even once,” she replied.

“Fine.” He brought up one of his arms so he could prop up his head. “If you must know, it was back in Rome.”

Of course she let out a cackle, rocking back in her chair and clapping her taloned hands. “Rome?!”

“I don’t see what’s so funny.”

“That was nearly five hundred years ago!”

“Point being?”

“Oh Satan, it wasn’t Caligula was it?”

“No,” he snapped, shuttering at the very thought. “No, it was after he was killed.”

Lilith seemed to catch her breath, a talon on her heaving chest, and cocked her head while eyeing him. “After he was killed?”

“Yes.”

“So, after you had run into Aziraphale there?”

The thought caught him off guard, like so many had this evening. The memory of sitting with Aziraphale, drinking, laughing, giving in to at least one oyster after the other immortal wouldn’t stop badgering him. The slippery food was horrid but Aziraphale’s bright smile was worth it. 

It was a memory that brought warmth to his chest, but he tried to keep it out of his voice. “I suppose so.”

He didn’t like the grin that spread across her face, he didn’t like it one bit. “So you ran into Aziraphale, and afterward you just happened to hook up with someone.”

“The two things are not connected,” he assured her, but he was getting concerned that maybe that wasn’t the case.

“Was it a man?”

“Ngh- yeah, it was, don’t see why that matters.”

“Was he blonde?”

“Oh that is _it_-“ before he knew it, Crowley was on his feet and would have stormed off to his chambers if he hadn’t caught his food on the leg of his chair and crashed to the ground. 

The fall was hard, if he was human he may have been winded, and in a daze he lay there while hearing Lilith’s roaring laughter from her chair. Clearly she was not getting up to help him. But the stone floor was cool and he placed his hot cheek against it with a defeated grunt.

Because the man had been blonde, and not the golden or sandy kind, but white blonde with little curls. It was what had caught Crowley’s attention in the first place, made him go over and strike up a conversation with the young man. It was what he had held onto when- no, don't remember it, not right now, not like this.

Crowley wasn’t sure how long he lay there but eventually Lilith’s laughter subsided, and a short time after that he heard her bare feet paddling towards him on the stone floor. She stopped beside his head, the bottom of her gown and her toes in his line of vision, but he didn’t bother turning his face up towards her.

“Are you done being dramatic?” she asked. It surprised him that she didn’t sound like she was mocking him.

His reply was a bit muffled by the ground smooshing his cheek. “Not yet.”

She sighed, though it wasn’t annoyed. Perhaps sympathetic, which wasn’t like Lilith at all. Out of the corner of his eye Crowley could see her hike up her skirts and sit down beside his head, cross legged. She rested her cheek against a clawed hand and gave him an amused look.

“It’s not the end of the world, Chicken,” was her way of consoling him. “Just fuck the angel, and I’m sure you’ll be back to normal in no time.”

This made Crowley raise his head up and glare at her. His glasses had fallen off during his fall, so Lilith withstood the full brunt of his reptilian gaze. The hearth fire roared in connection to his anger. “I _do not_ want to fuck Aziraphale.”

The strength of his anger actually made Lilith recoil. It wouldn’t have been noticeable to any human; she moved away from him by only an inch and something flickered in her dark eyes, but it was enough for him to notice, and it made his anger evaporate and a tiniest sliver of shame sneak into his chest. He turned away from her again and allowed his forehead to smack against the floor.

“Or at least,” he grumbled, “it’s not at the top of the list of things I’d like to do with him.”

He didn’t risk looking at Lilith’s face, he didn’t want to see the expression of disgust or revulsion he was certain would be there. But when she remained silent he took a deep breath and chanced a glance. What he saw was her looking at the floor in front of her, a deep look of confusion etched into her face, something he only saw on very rare occasions. 

“What is it?” he found himself asking.

Lilith’s eyes moved to his face, and wrinkles appeared on her forehead from frowning so deeply. If it had been any other time he would have teased her relentlessly. 

“Fucking… is not at the top of your list,” was what finally came out of her mouth.

“Ngh, no, it’s not.”

“Then what do you _want_ to do with him?”

Crowley rolled over onto his back and stared up at the rafters. That was the question. He wanted to see Aziraphale smile and laugh. He wanted to talk with him, about anything and nothing, and just enjoy listening to the angel go on and on about his favourite things. To sit together, unconcerned with what was going on around them. But more importantly, Crowley want to be able to take his hand, feel the soft skin in his palm, and just-

One of the large doors across the hall creaked open, causing both demons to sit up straight and watch as a woman entered the room. She was small, with the type of face that made you wonder if she was forty or if she was sixteen. But she walked with the air of determination of someone who was on a mission. Around her shoulders she clutched a dark robe, and her dark hair fell down to her waist. When she first entered the room she had looked concerned, but once she saw the two sitting on the floor her face changed to that of cool control. 

“Lady Lilith,” she said, voice a bit stern.

“Your Majesty,” Lilith replied, and Crowley mumbled the same thing. Normally it was customary to get up and bow when royalty entered a room, but the demons simply bobbed their heads in acknowledgement from where they sat.

The queen did not seem offended, having gotten used to their lax principles over the past few months. Instead she pulled her robe closer around herself.

“Is it not the duty of my handmaiden to help me get ready for bed?” the human asked. “I expected you an hour ago.”

“Forgive me, my Queen,” Lilith replied, smiling softly. Softly, which Crowley thought a bit odd. If anyone else spoke to Lilith that way they were sure to get a good trashing of her bladed tongue. “I was simply giving Sir Crowley some much needed life advice. Allow me to see him off to bed and I will join you in your chambers.”

The queen continued to eye them, her face belaying nothing, before giving a curt nod and heading back out the door. The demons listened to her footsteps disappear before Crowley laid back down on the ground with a groan.

“If this is you giving me life advice,” he said, “I would advice you to stick to seduction.”

This earned him a light _whap_ on the arm. “I gave you some good advice. Fuck the angel. Would have worked with anyone else. But now I see the situation is much more dire.”

“More dire?”

“Yes, very.” As he stared up at the ceiling Lilith’s face appeared above his, looking serious and possibly concerned. “Crowley, I think you may have real feelings for your angel.”

“What feelings?” he asked, just as a flurry of sensations raced through Crowley’s body. His heart flittered in excitement, making his chest warm, but at the same time a cold chill scuttled down his spine, a sensation of fear. His palms felt suddenly damp and he could tell his face was reddening. 

“Real feelings. Like humans have for each other.”

“Demons can’t have feelings. Well, we can feel disgust, and anger, and malice. But nothing good.”

“And who says that? The Higher Ups, that’s who. Maybe they’re wrong. Maybe they’re lying to keep us in line.”

Crowley rubbed his face with both hands and let out a long groan. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I need a break. This is too much.”

“Alright, fine.” Lilith moved out of his field of vision as she sat back.

The two sat quietly, Crowley trying to get his thoughts in order. Yes, he did enjoy Aziraphale’s company more than anyone else’s, more than Lilith’s even, and Lilith was his oldest friend and only confidant. He wanted to have with Aziraphale what he had with Lilith, where they could talk freely and enjoy one another’s company, joke and tease but mostly just have a good time. 

But he wanted to be around Aziraphale in a completely different way than with Lilith. He wanted to be able to reach out and touch the angel, run his hands through his hair, a hand across his cheek, his lips-

No, this was too much, too quickly, and Crowley was not ready to sort this all out just yet. Another time, another night, but right now he needed to get his mind on something else. He found himself turned to look at Lilith, who in turn was watching the door the queen had come in moments ago.

“So,” Crowley began, sitting up and resting his arms on his bent knees. “Morgause.”

“What about her?” she asked.

“How are your seduction lessons going?” The words came out of his mouth and instantaneously he wished they hadn’t.

There was a twinkle in Lilith’s eye and a playful smile appeared on her lips. “Do you really want to know?”

“No, not really,” he admitted. “I was really just wondering why you’re still here. You could have taught her enough in a week and been gone.”

Lilith looked away from him and back towards the hall door, and again softness came into her face. “She’s very interesting, for a human.”

“For a human,” he echoed. “Wow, never thought I’d see the day you’d take on a human pet.”

“She’s not a pet.” The words were stern, surprising Crowley further. “Morgause has a fire in her. A rage, and a hungry for vengeance. Her hatred of King Arthur and her willingness to go to any length to see to his downfall is enthralling.” Here her voice softened again, becoming almost wistful. “I guess I see a lot of myself in her.”

“Of course you enjoy to bedding yourself,” Crowley says with a roll of his eyes. “Why am I not surprised?”

“Her sisters are also fairly interesting,” Lilith says, pointedly ignoring him. “Especially Morgan. I think I might try teaching her magic, she's shown a bit of a gift for it.”

“That could take forever,” he pointed out. “You want to be stuck on this nowhere island forever? Isn’t the assignment done?” It was all very unlike her, to actually want to stay in one place. To take an interest in not one but two humans. What was going on with the two of them?

Something crossed her face, some feeling Crowley couldn’t put his finger on. But it was gone quickly, and she said, “you’re the one hiding out, sulking about not seeing Aziraphale, remember?”

“We’re not talking about _that_ whole thing anymore.” He waved his hand in the air, as if “that” were someplace in the room. “Something’s going on that you’re not telling me, I can smell it.” He couldn’t actually smell it, but he could smell sweat appearing on Lilith’s taloned hands and on the back of her neck.

He thought she may try to deny it, try to distract him, but instead he saw her jaw set in a determined way. Quickly she glanced around the darkening hall before leaning in close and whispering to Crowley.

“I didn’t want to tell you this before,” she admitted in a hushed tone, “not until I was sure what was going on here, but now I think I’m right. There’s more going on with this assignment than you were told, and I need to find ways of sticking around to keep an eye on things.”

“Oh,” it was the only thing he could think to say. 

She laid it out for him quickly, all the while looking around to make sure nobody else was listening in. The last time Lilith had been in Hell she had heard some rumours that the Princes and Satan himself were working on something big, which was why they had been secluding themselves from the rest of Hell and allow the Dukes to run the place. It took some time, and some prodding around in Asmodai’s office to find it: the creation of the Antichrist. 

It would appear that nobody was sure how to go about creating the Antichrist, even though he would play such a massive role in the War to Come. Demons nor Angels could have offspring, so how could Satan be able to have a child? Without an Antichrist, there would be no War, and then what was the point of everything?

“This is an experiment,” Lilith explained. “Morgause is to seduce Arthur, her half-brother, and conceive a child. The Princes are hoping a child born of such sin like incest could hold the key to creating the Antichrist.”

Crowley found himself curling his lip in disgust. “I was wondering why this assignment was so, well, gross. So why are you interested in it?”

“To see if it works,” Lilith told him. “Aren’t you curious about the makings of the Antichrist?” 

“Not really,” he admitted. “I think the longer we can go without him showing up, the better.”

“That’s blasphemous,” Lilith told him but it was clear she was kidding. “Well I am, and I’m interested in seeing how this child grows.” 

Though she said it simply, Crowley wasn't so sure that was the only reason. He noticed how her eyes kept drifting back to the hall door, to the way Morgause had gone, and he wondered if the queen had anything to do with it. Perhaps Lilith was more fond of her than she let on. But that would be a talk for another evening, where he could pay her back the embarrassment she had caused him.

“So you’re going to stick around here, then?" he asked instead. "To what, be his nanny?” It sounded silly, a demon raising a human child, even if he was born out of sin. Probably would be at least a little entertaining. 

But Lilith had different ideas. “I won’t stick around the whole time. Just pop in from time to time, see how he’s developing.”

“And does the queen know this? That her not even yet conceived son is an experiment?” 

“She’s just happy to know the child will one day help bring an end to Arthur.” At this Lilith got up from where she sat, ran her talons down her skirt to dust it off, and poked Crowley in the ribs with one of her toes. Thankfully they weren’t razor sharp like her hands.

“Ah- what’s that for?” He swatted her foot away like a child.

“Time for bed, Sir Black Knight,” she replied, not bothering to give him a hand up. “We have a lot of work ahead of us. In a few days I’m to escort Morgause to Camelot, where she’s supposed to do her thing with Arthur.”

Crowley paused in his way to his feet and cringed at what she said. “Ugh. And what am I supposed to do?”

“Get back out there and spread some discord among the lords. The first rebellion failed, but it was supposed to so we could have this shot at impregnating Morgause. Our test baby will need more allies for when he’s grown, for the real rebellion.”

She left him with that, sweeping away towards the hall door with a spring in her step that Crowley only half noticed. Without Lilith’s chattering, his mind desperately wanted to turn back to Aziraphale and these feelings he had finally acknowledged, but at the same time it was the very last thing he wanted to think about.

“Fuck me,” he muttered, then grabbed the full jug of ale of the table, not bothering to fetch a cup, letting the hearth fire finally die out as he did, and finally making his way to his chambers to down the whole jug as quickly as he could before passing out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said at the start of the chapter, it takes place before Crowley and Aziraphale run into each other in Wessex. The year of that scene is 537 AD, the same year as the Battle of Camlann, where King Arthur and Mordred presumably kill each other. As there are a lot of different versions of the stories about King Arthur, I kind of pick and chose what elements I wanted to use for this chapter.   
-the queen in this chapter, Morgause, is Mordred's mother and Arthur's half sister in some tales. This makes Mordred the experiment Lilith talks about.  
-a lot of more modern versions of Arthurian legends list Morgan Le Fay as Mordred's mother, but in the older versions it was Morgan Le Fay's sister. Lilith, of course, mentions possibly teaching magic to Morgan here.  
-most stories say that Morgause didn't know about her relation to Arthur when she seduced him, but I thought I'd change that to make her it easier for Lilith sympathize with her.  
-Orkney is one of the kingdom's Morgause's husband, Lot, is King of in certain tales.  
-Crowley has already played the role of the Black Knight here. Since there were rebellions against Arthur that happened shortly after he became king, Crowley helped stir those up. At the end of the chapter he plans on taking up the mantle again for when Mordred is old enough to lead a rebellion against Arthur as well.


End file.
